Episode Transcript
We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships we may wish for better. Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare, and this is the Spiritual American. Hello everyone and welcome to the Spiritual American. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare, and I'm your host. And today we will talk about the pain of desire. I. This is a subtle topic that I think we'll be able to make sense of it. We'll have a little talk and then some reflection questions. So the pain of desire. As I was thinking about this, I have shared several times in the podcast, one of the main events that have happened to me that really brought this to the forefront. When I was going for a job and I didn't get it. And maybe sometimes for people that would not be a problem. For me, the desire for the job was so intense. It wasn't just about the desire for the job, it was what I made the job mean. It was all the ideas about myself that I thought were true, like that I deserved it and I was qualified and so forth. So there was a lot of self-esteem caught up in that desire. Caught up with the job, you know, whatever the position was. When I didn't get it, all of the pain of all of that attachment and all of that identification and all of that emotional investment came crashing down. And as you were listening to the other episodes. I did share that it took me several years to get over it. Because not getting the job was not the end of the pain. It was years of me struggling with, what do I mean to these people? How can that person have the job. I am hoping that some of you can relate to this. I can talk about the thoughts that were coming and the pain in the thoughts, but today I wanna talk about the pain in the heart of desiring. When we desire, it's actually coming from a place of feeling like you need something. So in my mind, I've made it the truth that I need something, I need that job in order to prove to myself that I am good at my job, that I have these qualifications, that I could do, this leadership, that I could, whatever it was. So I had it in my mind that I needed that job in order to have all those things. This is subtle because we have it so connected that it's hard for us to break apart the desire and the thing. We collapse it. We think that it's the thing that we want, and when we don't get the thing, then we feel the pain. But the desire itself is where the pain begins. So what do I mean by that? Let's say with the job piece, let's say I wanted to, what did I really want? I wanna have an opportunity to show my skills, let's say, or have an opportunity to lead, an opportunity to create a team or have an influence on others or lead others. And so I thought that that job was, that's how to get that thing. But I found, I ended up getting another job that I was able to do all those things and have all those experiences. So what does that tell me? That tells me that the thing that I desire doesn't have an obligation to give me the thing that I think I need. Does that make sense? It is almost like I'm telling that thing, you have to be mine because I am saying I need you and because I deserve and I need these things, you have to be the way I say. How many times have we done that with people? If people are in leadership positions, they're supposed to act this way. If people are on tv, they're supposed to act this way. If people are in even family relationships, they're supposed to act this way. Well, what is it that I really want? So when I say I want my family member to act a certain way. I'm not saying you should take abuse, like let's say there's abuse happening. Obviously you're gonna do something to remove yourself from a hurtful situation. But right now we're looking at what, what is it? You could also say expectations, but that word has been used so much. It's really a desire. I want something. So what is it that I actually want? Maybe I want happy relationships. I want peaceful relationships in my family. Let's say I want something with my body. Let's say I want my body to look a certain way. Maybe it's not that I want my body to look a certain way. Maybe it's that I really want the feeling. What is the feeling I want?. Confidence. Self-esteem, self-respect, feeling comfortable in my own presence. Is the body responsible for that? See, this is, this is subtle because we're making the thing responsible for the need. So like I said before, the desire we're starting from a need. Now from a spiritual standpoint, the soul already has everything it needs. Now we can check that we're gonna do reflection question in a minute, but as a soul, if I am peaceful and still do I actually need anything? No, but of course. Through life as we're living our life, there are, there are moments where we recognize, wow, this is not the way I would like it. And then where maybe we're not in touch with what it is we really desire and where try to make the others responsible or the situation responsible for giving me what I desire. Most of the things we desire really are the things that are in us already as souls, but this is the part that takes a little bit of time to realize. I've read books in the past where they say, you know, just have positive affirmations or all the answers are within. And yeah, that's probably true, but how many of us have actually realized that? So the purpose of this little talk is to bring our attention to something. As a soul in soul consciousness. I don't need anything. So that's the spiritual point. That's the zero point. So let's start there. That's the zero point. When I'm practicing meditation, I'm practicing the zero point. I'm a soul. My nature is peace. Silence, stillness, peace. I am that and I'm experiencing it. So when I'm there, when I'm in that experience, there is no desire. There's no needs. There's no needs. There's no desires because there's nothing happening. But when I come forward into action, when I come forward into my life, then all those differences begin to become apparent to me. Maybe this is not so peaceful. Maybe this is not so loving. I still want those experiences, peace and love and happiness. But the pain of desire is when I internally try to make something outside myself responsible to give me or make me happy, or give me peace, or make me feel comfortable inside myself. Or give me the job that's gonna fulfill all my desires. You know, as I'm thinking about it, it doesn't make any sense that you would put that much pressure onto one situation, but I did. Have any of you ever done that before? So we're gonna take a minute now and ask some reflection questions. And you can stop the video and write this down or take a minute, take the first question, press pause, and then think about it for a minute, and then do the next one. We'll do five reflection questions related to this. Okay. So sitting still, just relax. First question, when in my life have I been disappointed? Or felt hurt when things didn't go the way I wanted them to go. Just think of maybe one incident. Maybe for me, I could always think of that one incident because it was so painful. So maybe think of one incident where it was really painful and it didn't happen the way you wanted it to, and you had a really hard time getting over it, there was a lot of pain. Second question, can I now identify what it was that I actually wanted? So what feeling or what experience did I want that I kind of pinned onto that outcome. What did I want to feel or experience? Did I wanna experience happiness, self-esteem, harmony, love, belonging? What is it that I wanted to experience that I attached to that thing. What did I really want and what did I attach to that thing? So just reflect for a moment. Question number three. Reflect now on one of those things that you wanted to get in that circumstance. So if it was peace or love, or like I said, self-esteem, whatever it was. Take one of those things right now and internally, see if you can take responsibility for that thing. Take the responsibility back. Like in your memory. That job was not responsible to give me self-esteem. That job was not responsible to give me that. I can generate that or make that happen. It's not anything on the outside's responsibility to give me that. So take a moment and see if you can do that. Take one of the things that you were looking for and see if you could take the responsibility back for that. Fourth question, now that you've taken responsibility back, whether it's self-esteem or love, or peace or harmony, whatever the quality is, or whatever the experience is that you've now taken back responsibility, imagine that you have it now that you have a full. A cup of that experience, your whole being is now filled with that quality. So take a moment and imagine, maybe you could imagine your, your being filling with light or feel filling with, or just that experience, whether it's love or belonging. Let your heart fill with that feeling, self-esteem, even leadership like. Maybe greatness or feeling powerful or feeling useful. Let your heart fill with that feeling right now. Show yourself that you can actually generate that feeling internally for yourself. Okay, fifth. Reflection question, can you now pull back from even that and go into a silent state and just recognize that in my essence, I am peaceful and still, and I really don't need anything. I am peaceful and still, and I really don't need anything. See if that's a possibility. Just reflect and see if you can give yourself a little experience. I can pull myself into silence and I'm perfectly okay just being here. Perfectly fine. I don't need anything. Okay, so now come on back. Okay. I hope you enjoyed that reflection session. I think it's important to be able to take a moment and go through some of the ideas and try to have experiences. Very helpful. So I'll leave it there today. I hope that gave you something to think about. And so our slogan is Heal, Empower, and Serve. And until next time, take care.
