Episode Transcript
Have you ever had someone you know come into some cash or some good fortune and you feel on one hand happy for them, but on the other hand, you feel a little tight inside? Ever feel a little bad when somebody gets into a relationship and maybe you're not in one and you would like one. How can we be happy for others? Is there a secret? That's what we're gonna be talking about today on the Spiritual American. We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships we may wish for better. Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare, and this is the Spiritual American. Welcome back, everyone today is interesting. There's a couple of people I think I've met in my life who I really felt like they didn't have jealousy in them. And jealousy, I think is the thing that keeps us from feeling happy for others. We don't feel happy because we feel like we deserve it or we feel bad, or we feel a little angry or maybe we feel that it's not fair that that person gets something and maybe I don't. We don't often talk about this because maybe we're civilized enough to not show it and maybe we're able to give a card and smile and so forth. But in meditation, in Raja Yoga, meditation, the idea is to actually get the inside to match the outside. So if I'm smiling and saying, oh, I'm so happy for you, the idea is to get the inside to be happy for them too. So today we're going to talk about what is going on inside and how can we shift it when someone else is having something good happen. In my heart of hearts, I don't have anything against that person, so why can't I be happy for them? So the one word, like I said, is jealousy. But what is jealousy? Jealousy is, you can call it a complex emotion. I'm gonna say generally, jealousy is when something happens and it triggers a desire within me, and because it's not happening to me, I feel bad about myself. So I'm angry at myself because this thing is happening or not happening. Now, if you're all sitting here listening to this and you're not in the middle of a jealous moment, that doesn't sound like it makes much sense. Why would I get mad at myself because somebody else found a relationship? Why would I get mad at myself if somebody had got a good job? Why would I be mad at myself if somebody won the lottery? Let's take a look at why. We have to look at circumstances versus principles. So I wrote down here, focus on the principle, not the circumstances. So when we talk about spirituality, I'll give the spiritual example first and then we'll put it into the life. So the spiritual example is that we're all souls, and you've heard me say this before. So if you have this strong feeling about politics, let's say, or physical race or culture or something, and you have a strong identification and feelings about any of those things, maybe nationality or profession or anything. Then if someone comes in front of you that has something different in a significant way that's getting your attention, you may begin to feel uncomfortable around that other person. Have you ever been talking about something and you meet somebody that thinks exactly the way you do in that situation and you feel so happy. Right? I know for me, I feel happy. It feels like a relief. Like, wow, I can talk to this person. Why? Because they're, I guess they're thinking the same as me because they're saying the same thing. Their attitude is the same, and it feels natural that it's the same. But when things, circumstances, I'm talking about are not the same. That's when we, I think, run into trouble. We get to know where our attachments are, wherever we feel critical or judgmental or irritated. You could say that. Those are the areas where I have attachment inside of me, where I'm stuck or attached Very committed to that area of circumstance. But if you look at the soul level, that everyone's a soul, it doesn't matter what the circumstance is. So if, if I was able to look at a whole room of people, and let's say they all had different religions and speaking different languages even, but the fact that they're all souls, I should be able to be stable knowing that they're all souls. The differences are secondary. So the principle here is to make the differences secondary to the principle, and the principle is in the case of being happy for others, I have nothing against anybody and I'm happy for you. Great. I have met a couple of people in my life that were genuinely like that. A few. Where they really said, I had one friend who said, I never in my life have been jealous. And I believed her because of when she said it, you could feel the humility, like she just doesn't create that kind of anger or that kind of resistance or that kind of judgment towards herself or towards anybody else. I felt that that was a really big power actually, when she said that. 'cause I was like, wow, really? And I could feel that she was telling the truth. So how can we work this in terms of being happy for others and of course being happy for myself too. I think that we use that same jealous thing and that same judgmental thing on ourselves also. I'm supposed, you're supposed to be this way. You failed. You're not doing right. You gotta be do it this way. That way. It's the same principle. Then I'm looking at them and I'm saying, why did they get that? Why did they. They don't deserve it. So whatever I'm doing to myself, I'm also doing to other people. We don't talk about this because we have a society that gives us things to do instead. So we put our behavior on top of all those feelings. Oh, congratulations. I'm so happy. Congratulations. I'm not saying that every time we say congratulations, that we feel jealous inside. I'm saying that if we do feel jealous inside, we have societal norms that are out there to help us get through that scene in action, even if we feel bad. And it's important in a spiritual sense to be able to admit, look at, and face what's going on inside. How many of you have felt bad or felt jealous of a friend or a family member, and felt like when they were doing well, you almost felt that you were even more angry at them because they were doing well. It's almost like the heart is cursing, cursing them, cursing me, cursing everybody, you know? Have you ever felt that you could almost curse the world so angry about what's going on. Jealousy is anger. If you feel anger, are you able to feel happiness? No. Nope. So let's take a look at this a little bit deeper. If I feel angry, it's not possible for me to feel happy. Now, I may be saying that I'm happy. I may be saying congratulations, but internally I'm feeling angry. That anger, I'm gonna say we need to take care of it. How do I take care of it? You may have heard in the previous episodes, separate yourself from the situation. Again, principles, not circumstances. Circumstances are put aside. Principle, how do I feel? Why am I angry? Then let it talk. I feel bad because I wanted to get some money. I feel bad because I don't have any money. I feel bad because let it talk. I feel bad because I'm lonely and I want a relationship. Let yourself have your own feelings and your own experience. In my experience, this works because I'm actually giving attention where the attention is needed. Eventually, I will feel taken care of enough that I can be happy even if it's not happening to me. And we've seen these examples in movies and in life, I'm sure, where somebody who is maybe unfortunate and somebody else seems very fortunate and the unfortunate person is happy for them. There's a humility there. Humility meaning that I know my own worth. Even though that isn't happening for me, I'm not gonna get angry and I'm not gonna feel afraid, and I'm not gonna feel bad, and I'm not gonna curse them. And I'm not gonna curse myself. I'm just gonna say I wish them well. I have good wishes for everyone. It's actually simple, but we need to move away from the circumstances. If I'm focusing on the circumstances, there are so many different things I could focus on, isn't it? Their hair, the way they talk their clothes, the who they're in a relationship with, who they're not in a relationship with. They have animals. They don't have animals. They live in this street. They live on that street. Oh my gosh. They got this job. They didn't get this job. It's a unlimited nightmare of circumstances. So one of the secrets of spirituality is to be able to stay in the principle of things. Remind yourself not to get caught up in the circumstances. So then how do I be happy? Well, if I'm not caught up in the circumstances, I'm reminding myself, I'm a soul. My nature is peace, my nature is happiness, and then I can ask myself. So this is the second part. The first part is get the attention back on myself. The second part is to generate the actual feelings I have in my heart about the person or about the situation. Do I really begrudge them that job? Really? Probably not. Do I really wish that they didn't have that relationship or that they weren't happy? No, of course not. So let myself settle into that and be generous in that moment. And the last thing I'll, I'll leave with is that. After I do that, you may ask, what about the my desires and what about what I actually wish for? I would say in those moments, remember that everyone's playing their part. So this is another piece of knowledge that we can bring in the principle. Everyone's playing their part and I'm playing my part. So my part right now is not to win the lottery. Okay, so am I gonna get mad at that? I heard somebody say one time you can wanna play basketball all you want, but if you're four foot 10 and you know, whatever, you're probably not gonna play professional basketball. But that's not something that you should feel bad about or it's just your part. So what are the principles? Move away from the circumstances and into the principle. What's the principle? We're all souls. We're all playing our part. In my heart of heart, I don't have anything against anyone and I can generate if I'm already angry. Let's say I'm already enraged and I'm already feeling bad. One of the things that I said before is that we have societal norms to help us get through that. Like you give a card or you do this, or you do that. I'm here to say, if you feel really bad, it's okay for you to pull back. If you need to, I'm not saying do something or don't do something, I'm saying that whatever you, it's okay for you to take care of your own feelings. And sometimes the external trigger or whatever the circumstances are, feel so painful that you can't even be around it. And it's okay to separate oneself from that temporarily. I'm gonna say spiritually you wanna be. It's temporary because with the idea that once I become strong enough and generate that benevolence and that happiness, and I feel better in my own self-worth, then I can go back into the situation. I've done this many, many areas of my life. I've done it in work, I've done it with family, I've done it with relationships, I've done it with my health, all different areas. Pull back until you feel safe. Pull back far enough until you can work on your own feelings. And then when you feel better and you feel safe and you feel a little stronger, then come back and deal with it. So circumstances, get them aside. Principles, deal with your own feelings, and then remember, everyone's playing their part, including me, and my desires matter too. But I'm playing my part so I can work on them myself. And then you can generate the feelings in your own heart, which I would guess are loving and happy and generous naturally. 'cause you love the people around you, I'm sure. So I will leave it there. I hope that that gave you something to think about. Next time, maybe you have a reaction to something or that feeling inside, and give yourself that moment to be with yourself and strengthen yourself, and then give the happiness naturally from your heart. So I will leave it there. Remember, our slogan is Heal, Empower, and Serve. And until next time, take care.
