Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships, we may wish for better.
[00:00:13] Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life.
[00:00:21] My name is Dr. Ann O' Hare, and this is the Spiritual American.
[00:00:26] Foreign.
[00:00:29] Hello everyone, and welcome to the Spiritual American.
[00:00:33] My name is Dr. Ann O' Hare and I'm your host. And today we will be talking about the violence of victimhood. It's a very interesting topic, maybe a little controversial. I hope not. I'm going to give some ideas that maybe we can start to dissolve some of the pain that's caused by these ways of thinking.
[00:00:55] So the first thing that I'd like to say is that what's helpful, very helpful, is that we are able to, with understanding separate things that happen from how we think about it.
[00:01:10] So for instance, if I'm a child and something happened to me or something happened, somebody hit me or something, and the physical body was hit, something happened definitely. And then I created thoughts and feelings about that incident and about myself and about them and about world and so forth. And now I'm carrying those ideas forward with me.
[00:01:39] We have all been exposed to a lot of victim mentality, perpetrator victim kind of mentality. And I want to read off a couple of these ideas that I believe is part of this context that we are exposed to for sure. Maybe we picked up along the way ourself. All of us are individuals and unique and different. So you can see for yourself how deeply you have these things I'm talking about here.
[00:02:09] So one thing is enemy consciousness.
[00:02:12] Enemy. They're my enemy.
[00:02:15] They're against me. So you could say enemy like in the world, they're my enemy and you have war against them. Or you could say in personal relationships they're my enemy because they're mean to me. Or I can't trust them and they're my enemy. They're against me or I'm against them.
[00:02:32] That's enemy consciousness.
[00:02:35] Another one is us and them.
[00:02:39] So I belong to this group and then you belong to that group.
[00:02:45] We see that a lot now, right? It's this group versus that group. And which group do you belong to? And actually we see a lot of things going on right now with people separating for their political views or for their world viewpoint or all different ideas that people hold. And they're being said, well, I belong to this group and you're not in this group, so now I can't trust you or now whatever. And it brings a separation pain, right? The violence the pain that goes along with that.
[00:03:17] Another one is hierarchical thinking.
[00:03:22] And I've really fallen into this one that these people have power over me. These people make the decisions and I resent them and I make them wrong. And I try to be independent from them and I resist them. I'm a renegade. I want to be independent. I want to get away from those oppressors.
[00:03:45] That way of thinking hierarchical or oppressor? The oppressor and the oppressed, that's like this. They have power over me. Or also hierarchical means they're at a higher level than me. I'm here and they're here. So therefore I have to deal with that difference. Like they have power. I don't know where I stand because I'm at a lower level. And they are the ones that get to tell me who I am in this organization. Boy, did I fall for that one.
[00:04:14] That one's rough. That one takes a while to get over. At least for me it took a long time.
[00:04:20] The other one is failing to see commonality or failing to be open to commonality.
[00:04:31] Sometimes we feel like it feels. It's a fear based. This whole thing is a fear based phenomenon. We are connected to whatever we think is right. So I have identified that I believe in this and this is who I am and this is what I understand and this is how the world is. And I find other people that believe the same thing and I feel connected to them and I feel comfortable with them. Then there are other people that don't feel the same way.
[00:04:58] And so I automatically feel uncomfortable. And in that discomfort I find that we're not able to try to bridge the difference.
[00:05:08] We don't look for commonality, we don't look for a way to stay connected. We just stay disconnected.
[00:05:17] And victimhood, where does victimhood come in with that one? It's like I feel like their presence is even bothering me.
[00:05:24] I want to be in my comfortable zone with people who think like me.
[00:05:30] This is hard nowadays. I have to tell you. I don't know if it's the timing, the times, or if it's the way the media has been. I'm not sure what has happened. I mean, in spirituality, in the Brahma Kumaris, we talk about, you know, the stage the world is in right now that we're like in a weakened state.
[00:05:53] So maybe years ago maybe that would have been a priority, like to stay connected, to make common ground. But now in a weakened state, we're not able to do it.
[00:06:04] Or maybe we don't want to do it. Maybe we're just more comfortable being angry. But the truth is, when we're angry, we're not really comfortable.
[00:06:11] We're just afraid, right? So we're afraid.
[00:06:14] So I wrote here also the idea of justice, of right and wrong, of good and evil, like all of those ideas, we were brought up with them, and they feel so real to us.
[00:06:29] But one. One validation I'll give for that one is the idea of nonviolence, the idea of violence. Because in spirituality, we say that nonviolence would be spiritual. For instance, if I'm peaceful, if I'm a soul, I'm the soul and I am peaceful, I wouldn't be violent, right? So spirituality would be nonviolence. And the name of this episode is the violence of victimhood. So part of this victimhood mentality is causing suffering in me. I don't trust. I'm afraid. I don't belong to them. They're negative. I'm going to keep on looking for thoughts and feelings that match my own.
[00:07:17] I know I've done that. I know I feel more comfortable, if so, any. I think that's natural, though. You're looking for sameness. But the issue is that now there are so many different ideas out there and things keep changing that maybe we need to look a little deeper for that stability that keeps us from being at odds with each other. So spirituality actually gives us the answers, the way to resolve this us and them negativity against each other. Wait, before we go there, this nonviolence thing, sometimes we get into this idea like they're violent or whatever, whatever level we've all been violent.
[00:07:59] Self criticism is violence.
[00:08:02] Negative thoughts about others is violence.
[00:08:09] Judgment is violence. Insensitivity is violence.
[00:08:15] Not taking care of yourself is violence.
[00:08:19] So we've all been violent, let's say, in this conversation. So it's not like any of us are immune to this violence. The idea is that we want to get out of it. We want to get out of this us and them mentality. We want to be able to stabilize. We. We want to be able to be with people as they are.
[00:08:36] And I want to stop the violence inside of me, all these little subtle forms, right?
[00:08:42] So the resolution is spiritual. The resolution, number one, we're all souls.
[00:08:48] So that is one point of knowledge that I can use to level the playing field. We're all souls, and we're all playing our parts.
[00:08:58] Whatever the part looks like.
[00:09:02] Whatever it looks like, that soul is playing their part. That soul is playing their part. I'm a soul and I'm playing my Part. If I look at it like that, without looking at the part or judging the part or evaluating the part, or thinking that their part is affecting me or I'm affecting them, or they're hurting me, they're doing something wrong. They're creating a bad influence.
[00:09:30] They're playing their part, their souls, and they're playing their part.
[00:09:35] This starts to bring the chance of understanding.
[00:09:40] In the last episode, I was talking about looking at the past, present and future of things.
[00:09:45] I don't advocate for going too much into the psychology of others, right? But if we look at it like a principle, everybody is acting based on what they understand to be right or understand to be true or what they believe in. Every single one is doing that.
[00:10:03] And whatever we think about it.
[00:10:09] You know, I just had a thought.
[00:10:11] Sometimes we talk about the arrogance of body consciousness.
[00:10:16] So body consciousness means that I'm focused on all those differences and I'm judging them. And I'm suffering because I don't feel connected. I feel. Maybe I feel gratified of being right or making somebody else wrong, which is violence, right?
[00:10:33] But I don't feel happy. I don't feel satisfied. I don't feel content inside.
[00:10:43] So body consciousness is when I'm focused on all those differences. The arrogance of body consciousness is when I'm stuck in that stage.
[00:10:51] I'm holding onto it. I want to be right. I know that they're wrong.
[00:10:57] And I'm getting what I call, like, ego juice. I'm getting the ego juice out of making them wrong. When we watch the news, this is my feeling. You don't have to believe this.
[00:11:08] We watch the news or we watch commentators or we watch whatever and we're watching for somebody that's validating me.
[00:11:16] That's not necessarily bad. It's fine.
[00:11:19] One exercise you could do is watch someone who has a totally different point of view and see if you get upset, see if you get angry, see if you get frustrated, see if it starts hurting inside.
[00:11:35] Being with someone who thinks different and what would be helpful in that moment is to be able to generate this thought. They are a soul. They're here, and they have a right to play their part exactly the way they want. I free myself from that arrogance of body consciousness, that connection, that attachment to these ideas that many, many people don't share.
[00:12:04] And we talk about brotherhood. You talk about love. You talk about universal connection.
[00:12:09] I personally feel that we have to address these things that are going on inside in order to actually get to the place where we are free and we can see everybody as the same.
[00:12:24] We're all souls. We're all, you could say, brothers.
[00:12:28] We're all brothers.
[00:12:30] The other part is that the world drama is unfolding. What does that mean? That means everything's happening and it's happening. What do I. What. What can I do?
[00:12:39] Sometimes we get so excited over things that are happening or not happening. Or the news, like, gets us all into this, right? Every minute we're watching what's happening.
[00:12:52] One thing I can tell myself is whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. And not just say it like just a saying, but say it like I'm relieving myself of the pressure.
[00:13:02] Literally. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Isn't that true?
[00:13:08] Yes, it is true.
[00:13:10] Relax. Stability, right?
[00:13:14] I'm worried about or reacting to everything that's going on, then I'm suffering.
[00:13:24] The other thing is that all people have a right to be here. All souls have a right to be here.
[00:13:30] Every one of us has our own part to play. We're all unique.
[00:13:35] That's respect.
[00:13:37] So here's where we begin to have respect. Maybe I don't respect, to be honest, like, you don't want to be inauthentic. Maybe I don't respect some of the views of other people or whatever. I don't have to respect that. But I can respect that they're souls and I can respect that they're playing their part, and I can respect that they believe it.
[00:13:54] Can I do that?
[00:13:56] I don't need to get emotionally involved. I don't need to react to them.
[00:14:02] But how does this go back to the victimhood thing?
[00:14:05] I feel that all of these ideas that I just shared, like the us and them, the hierarchical thinking, the enemy consciousness, the failure to find the commonality, and that's all like, I'm a victim of it. Then I'm a victim of the hierarchy. I'm a victim of them. I'm a victim of the situation. I'm not really a victim of anything.
[00:14:27] If I change my way of thinking and give myself a chance to acknowledge that it's true, not just a thought, like, oh, yeah, everything is just the way it is. It's all perfect. Well, do I really believe that, or am I acknowledging that that's actually true?
[00:14:44] That's so important for us to acknowledge that something is actually true inside for me, otherwise the other stuff is going to seem very true.
[00:14:55] They're against me, these people. This group of people are this way, and this group of people are this way, and nobody understands anybody. And this is how it is. And this is how it is here and this is how it is there.
[00:15:08] If I don't replace that viewpoint with something else, with something more universal, you can bet that old one's gonna persist. And it's very, very painful, as we all know. I would say, finally, the arrogance of body consciousness. I just wrote here. Just because I think it and I think that it's right doesn't mean that it's true.
[00:15:39] Just because I think it and I think that it's right doesn't mean that it's true.
[00:15:46] So there's a humility there. There's kind of an acknowledgement of the reality and the facts of what is actually here.
[00:15:57] We're souls, we're playing our parts. Everyone is unique. Maybe this one has this thought, this thought, that thought, this behavior, this behavior or whatever. That's not to say, obviously I have to say this. Of course we have to take care of ourselves. Of course we're using common sense. Of course we're not going to let somebody abuse us. Of course we're going to protect ourselves. Of course I'm talking about the way we see the world.
[00:16:20] Can I begin to generate these spiritual thoughts and spiritual laws and start to think about it and validate it as true?
[00:16:32] It's going to help me a lot to remain stable and stop generating those sorrow producing thoughts and perceptions.
[00:16:47] So I'll leave it there. I hope that's given you something to think about. Maybe reflect on some of these things. Enemy consciousness, hierarchical thinking, us and them and failure to see the commonality.
[00:17:02] See if I do those things, where am I like that?
[00:17:06] And see how it feels when I'm like that. I'm going to assert that it always hurts.
[00:17:11] Anything that separates us from the world hurts.
[00:17:16] There is an alternative.
[00:17:19] The universal truth, spiritual truth and respect.
[00:17:24] Respect for myself and respect for everyone else. So I will leave it there. Remember, our slogan is Heal, empower and serve. And until next time, take care.
[00:17:49] Sa.
