Episode Transcript
Have you ever heard anyone say to you, oh, just accept it. It's okay. Or Why are you so hard on yourself? Can't you just take it easy on yourself? I can really relate to that. We're gonna talk about radical self-acceptance today on the Spiritual American. We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships we may wish for better. Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare, and this is the Spiritual American. Hello everyone. Welcome back. Today we're gonna be talking about radical self-acceptance, and I was thinking about this. There were a couple, I have a couple of situations to share and the kind of context that I wanna give in terms of this. Several times in the podcast we were talking about merciful self-observation. And I'm kind of going from the assumption or from the standpoint that many of us are coming from a place of hurting. I was coming from a place of hurting, also coming from a place of fear. I had anxiety, I had fear. I had discomfort inside myself most of the time. And so merciful self-observation is a beautiful first step to begin to pay attention to myself in a safe way. I'm not trying to change anything. I'm just watching. And I'm watching with a feeling of mercy, a feeling of caring, a feeling of understanding, and a little detachment. Like I'm not touching it. I'm not trying to change anything. I'm not forcing anything. I'm just observing with love. That's the first step. But today we're gonna talk about self-acceptance, and I find that this one happens on the field. Well, everything happens on the field, but this one, like for instance, I was talking yesterday in a class about rest. And it's funny when topics come up, usually I end up talking about the thing that's in the way of us experiencing it. So with rest, I find that that the thing that keeps us from experiencing rest is all the fighting and resistance going on inside our mind. So. Acceptance is a way to release and dissolve that fight and fight or flight, let's say, inside. Now, what do I mean by this? So in the class yesterday, and I'll give the example here, how many of you listening right now had a childhood life where you felt completely safe? How many of you had a childhood where you, you grew up feeling like who you were, was seen and loved and appreciated? How many of you listening grew up in a way, in an environment where you were, felt like you were allowed to be yourself all the time? I am going to presume that most of you, like me, didn't have that kind of childhood. And by the way, I'm gonna say it, although I hope you understand. I'm not blaming anybody. Whatever the environment was that I grew up in, it's the same kind of environment that my parents grew up in. It's the same kind of environment that my grandparents grew up in. It's not about people, it's about patterns that go through generations that happen. So we're talking about self-acceptance today. So if I didn't feel accepted growing up, then how would I know how to accept myself? Where's the, where's the example for me to follow? Where's the person that embodies that that I can follow? Most of us maybe found a friend or found some family member or that maybe we felt a little better with. And of course we always get get something to help us at the right time. But this idea of radical self-acceptance is how I can begin to create an environment for myself where I am accepted just as I am 100% of the time, and I'm using the word radical on purpose. Because it's a radical change. I'll give an example. Let's say I'm coming home from work and my mind is like, okay, it's four 30 and okay, I have class at this time, and the mind is thinking of how I'm gonna get. Everything done in time, and I am, I hope you can all relate to this. I'm pretty sure you can. So that's what's going on in my mind. And then something inside says, you know, I'd really just like to lay down and do nothing. I really just like to rest and do nothing. But then I kind of push away that thought, right? Because I have to make sure that I get done with this and done with that. And what happens is there's a subtle. A fight going on inside. It might not be a fight, but it's a subtle resistance, a subtle difference. Differences are coming up inside myself. There's one side that wants to rest, and there's another side that wants to make sure everything's not unplanned and be active and so forth. Anybody have the experience where it's maybe nine o'clock at night and you feel hungry and you feel like I really want to eat something, and then you say, no, you can't eat anything 'cause it's too late and. Nobody's saying it to you. Anybody have the experience where you're sitting doing something and a voice inside starts telling you, you should be doing something else. I shouldn't be doing this now. I can tell you for myself that I, up until recently, this is, this has just changed recently. My whole life, I had this feeling like something's wrong. A little bit of danger, a little bit of, and people out there, I know a lot of you out there that are listening, have anxiety, have depression, have fear, have all kinds of stress inside. What I'm talking about is part of that, this kind of internal turmoil that's going on. And so radical self-acceptance is a choice that we make. And I'm gonna say do the merciful self-observation first, because sometimes the radical self-acceptance might not be possible at first. Watch yourself for a while. Watch the thoughts. Watch the fight. You see how I'm talking about the fight inside? Like, 'cause I've been watching it so I know what it's doing. This one's talking, then this one's talking this wants to, wants to do this, this one wants to do that. It's like it's going on. So I've been watching. Okay, but then radical self-acceptance means that whatever it is that I need. Or whatever it is that I want. It's okay that I want it, it's okay that I need it. Like another example would be like, let's say I want some ice cream or something like that. And maybe the thought is like, well, you can't have it. You shouldn't have blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Well, I said to myself, you know what? I'm gonna have the ice cream. You know why? Because in this case, it's like having the ice cream would be like a validation of just freedom versus this thing going on in my head. Now, I said to the class last night, it doesn't mean that I'm gonna let myself eat a gallon of ice cream every night. And I'll tell you what, my experience too. If I allow myself to be exactly the way I want to be, like in the moment, it seems to balance out somehow. Very interesting. I actually, today, an example is I had a lot to do today, or I thought I had a lot to do today in a very short period of time, and I figured, well, maybe I'll have to wait till later or whatever, and then I something inside said, no, just start. Just start doing it and believe it or not. I did every single thing I had to do in a, in like three quarters of the time that I had, I had extra time. And what is that telling me? That's telling me that when I'm emotional or when that this kind of struggle is going on inside, I'm focusing on the struggle and I'm getting less effective. I'm getting obviously less happy. Because I'm not flowing freely with myself. What I'm trying to say is, next time you feel like you're doing something and something feels wrong, ask yourself, what is it that I really wanna do? What is it? How do I really feel right now? And totally accept that. It's okay. It's okay if I wanna lay down. It's okay if I wanna do nothing right now. That's okay. Okay. If I wanna take a walk, it's okay if I don't wanna take a walk, just practice it's okay. This, it's okay, that it's okay. This, it's okay. That, you know, we would let it be okay for other people, wouldn't we? If somebody said to you, you know, I'm really struggling inside because I really want to, uh, you know, take some time off from work and just take care of myself, but I'm feeling guilty about it. What would you tell your friend? Take the time off. Do you have the time? You're not gonna be irresponsible. We're not talking about being irresponsible here, right? We're talking about like having freedom. I was talking to this class last night and I'm like, you have money. You have your health, you have good relationships, you have this, you have that. Why are we not happy? So what I'm sharing today is another technique. So one is merciful self-observation. Again, that's the first step. That's the little entry point. Like I'm just watching myself, I'm watching my mind, I'm watching what's going on. Second step is radical self-acceptance. Okay? Yes, that's what I'm gonna do and see what happens. I can tell you what happens internally. What happens internally is the struggle stops. Try it. We've lived so long with this internal struggle and this internal fear and these internal fighting going on. Just like fighting in our home when we were kids, right? Or fighting or maybe feeling afraid or maybe feeling unsafe, or maybe feeling, you know, embarrassed or whatever it is. We still feel it. It's like still going on. So quick reflection. Now. Can I spend the rest of today? Wherever you are right now, wherever you're listening to this, the rest of today. Can you practice three times today for the rest of the day? Practice self-acceptance. Radical self-acceptance. Try it. See what happens. You know, I feel like I wanna sit on the floor. Sit on the floor. Okay. Nobody cares. I wanna watch tv. I don't wanna watch it anymore. Click okay. Accept. I wanna eat something. I don't feel like eating something. I wanna read something. I wanna like give yourself permission to experience freedom three times today before you go to bed tonight and see what happens internally. See if you can notice what happens inside. So I will leave it there. It's a little bit of a a homework assignment. 'cause I'm not gonna tell you what's gonna happen. I'm telling you that the inside stuff will stop, but I want you to discover it for yourself. Try it and see what happens, and trust yourself. You're not gonna do things that are gonna hurt you. You're not gonna continue to eat nonstop, you know, trust yourself. Now, again, I I feel compelled to say, I'm not talking about if somebody already has an extreme situation and addiction or something like that. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about middle ground kind of living, that you're just doing your thing. There's no extremes, but internally, you still feel uncomfortable. Try it and see radical self-acceptance. So I'll leave it there. Remember, our slogan is Heal, Empower, and Serve. And until next time, take care. I.
